Think about choosing a preschool the same way you would think about finding a new job or a new pediatrician for your child. In either situation you would expect to invest lots of time and energy in making the right decision. You would ask around, go on interviews, and seek the advice of others. The same goes for preschool. 

Because so much is riding on your choice – after all, you want your child to spend her days in an enjoyable and nurturing environment – you’ll need to do your research. That means checking out local parenting magazines, the Internet, and word-of-mouth recommendations. Ask for referrals from other families; most people won’t recommend a place unless they’re truly pleased with it. If your child attends daycare, the caregivers may have suggestions for you.

Once you zero in on a few choices based on cost, distance from your home or work, and other basic factors, call each school and see whether you can whittle down your list to a select few by asking questions. You should also ask about the teacher-to-student ratio (the fewer children a teacher has to be responsible for, the better for your child since she’ll receive more attention).

But that’s not all. One thing we think is very important is finding out the school’s philosophy on educating toddlers. Whatever its leanings, it’s important that the preschool have a plan in mind for how to teach and care for its students. A school with some ideological foundation is better than one whose philosophy is so indistinct it’s mediocre.

When you have your short list, schedule visits to the schools that made the cut. You’ll need to meet the preschool manager in-person and observe the teachers with the children. They are the ones your child will interact with most, so it’s important that you find warm people with lots of experience caring for preschoolers. You also might ask the school for the names of some parents you could speak to – a staff that’s proud of their school’s success will be happy to connect you with fellow parents.

Next, bring your child along for a visit. See how she responds to the school and the teachers. Do they seem interested in getting to know her? Are the activities ones she’ll enjoy? By watching how she reacts you’ll have a better idea whether a preschool is a good fit.

Most important, trust your instincts. It’s essential that you feel comfortable with the school’s management, who run the establishment, and sets guidelines for your child and with whom you’ll be interacting should issues or questions come up in the future. You should also feel secure and pleased with the teachers, who will be spending many hours with your child day in and day out. At its best, this will be a long and productive partnership.

Learning to use the toilet is one of the big new steps for toddlers and it can take them a while to get the hang of what to do. Some children seem to train themselves when they are ready, but many will need some help from their parents. Parents see toilet training as an important milestone for their children and often become very concerned if it doesn’t all go smoothly.When will my child be ready?

Most children are not ready to learn to control their poop and susu (bowels and bladder) until they are two years old and some not until they are three. Often boys are later than girls.

There are two components to readiness. Biological readiness – this means that your child can physically control their bladder and stay dry for a few hours at a time. Most children are biologically ready by age 2 to 2 ½.

Psychological readiness – the child must be able to tell the difference between “I feel the need to go,” “I need to go right now” and “I just went.” He must be able to recognize the feeling of a full bladder before toilet training success will occur.”

Another factor making psychological readiness so difficult is that 2-year-olds are already in an “autonomy” stage where they need to show that they are in control. In other words, it is difficult to get a 2-year-old to do anything they don’t want to do. The personality of the child and of the parent also factor in to the success of training. It is important to avoid power struggles when toilet training your preschooler because you will always lose.

The first sign of knowing these things may be that he tells you when he is actually doing susu or poop or when he has just done it. When he gets praise for telling you, he will be ready to move on to the next step of telling you before he does it.

Other signs of readiness are: – taking an interest in others using the toilet – pulling at wet and dirty nappies – telling you that his nappy is wet – telling you that he doesn’t want to wear nappies anymore. Be prepared to wait until your child is ready. Most toilet training problems can be avoided if you don’t start too early. Don’t try and set a date by which you want your child to be toilet trained, for example, before the new baby arrives. This is almost a sure recipe for failure. It works best if there is no pressure and you toilet train your child at the pace he can manage.

Getting ready for toilet training Teach your child the words needed for toilet training, such as wet, dry, susu, poop, it’s coming. Choose words that you are comfortable with.

Choose either a potty, or a special toilet seat with a footstool. A step is necessary if you choose to use a toilet, so that your child can get up to the toilet and can feel safe and relaxed there. A potty can be moved around the house but you may need to take it out with you if your child is not used to using a toilet.

Some toddlers are afraid of being flushed down the toilet because they don’t yet understand that they cannot fit down such a small hole. For these children a potty is better or let them learn to flush the toilet with you or by themselves. You may need to flush it when they are safely out of the way.

Make sure that the toilet area is safe. Keep household cleaners, deodorants and toiletries out of reach. Make sure your child is wearing clothing that is easy to get on and off, and easy to wash, such as trainer pants. Put your child in pull-up or trainer diapers so that it is easy to get on and off and you don’t have to worry if there is an accident. If you are alert to your child’s signals, you can be ready to guide her to the potty or toilet in time. Starting toilet training

Note: it is best not to start toilet training at a time when your child is adjusting to other changes, for example, when there is a new baby in the family or starting a new daycare. If you think your child might be nearly ready to start training, choose a time when you are likely to have the time and patience to give your attention.

Some toddlers can be introduced to toilet training by getting comfortable with the potty first, for example, leaving the potty in easy sight and touch or letting teddy sit on the potty ‘to do susu’.

You might start by noticing when your child is doing a poop in her diaper and tell her, ‘I think you’re doing a poop dear’. Later watch for signs that she is about to do a susu or poop and tell her as you guide her to the potty or toilet. You might say something like ‘Let’s see if there’s a susu coming’. Eventually she will be able to know and get there herself.

If your child tells you before she does a susu or poop, thank her for telling you and take her to the toilet or potty. If she doesn’t get there in time at first, give her praise for whatever she has managed, for example, pulling down her pants, trying to get to the toilet, or sitting on the toilet.

Make sure she sees that the praise is for learning a new skill, not something she has to do to please you. For example you might say, ‘You did that really well’ rather than ‘You are a good girl for daddy’.

Children should not be made to sit on a potty or toilet for long periods of time. This feels like punishment to the child and does not help toilet training.

Teach girls to wipe themselves from the front towards the back to avoid the chance of getting any poop (soiling) into the vagina.

Teach boys to shake their penis after a susu to get rid of any drops. For little boys who are not circumcised, they need to be especially careful as the foreskin can trap some susu.

Some parents have found it helpful in the early stages of toilet training to float a ping pong ball in the toilet for little boys to aim at.

Most toddlers don’t have the skills to wipe their bottom properly, so you will need to do this with them until they get it right.

Teach boys and girls to wash their hands after using the toilet or potty.

Reward successes with cuddles. Say things like ‘I am proud of you for trying’.

Remember that a toddler is not able to ‘hold on’ to a susu that is ready to come out. Children are often busy with what they are doing, so they don’t always notice their body’s message that their susu or poop is coming.

Toilet training troubles Learning to control bowels and bladder is a big task for your toddler and sometimes there are problems for a variety of reasons. Starting too soon. Pressure from relatives or friends, ‘Surely Druv isn’t still in nappies?’ Parents setting a date to have their child trained or parents feeling they must get their child trained. If the child feels tension and pressure she may become afraid of making a mess, and it will be hard for her to get it right. Toilet training works best when there is no pressure for either the parent or the child. Children and parents getting into a battle over toilet training. Everybody loses in this sort of battle. Toilet training should not be a power struggle. If you think your child is purposely not trying to succeed and you become angry or even punish her, leave it for a while and try again in a few weeks when things are less tense. Any stress in your child’s life, such as a new baby or starting a new daycare can set her back. Temporary loss of control is common when children are unwell or stressed. Accidents are common in the early weeks. She may not want to stop doing something interesting, or not get to the toilet quickly enough. It is common for toddlers to relax and ‘let go’ as soon as they stand to walk away from the potty. She may not be fully ready for toilet training if this is happening a lot. Control over poop may happen a long time before control over susu – sometimes it happens many months later.

Physical problems Sometimes after an illness or due to constipation, a small tear (or fissure) in the bowel can occur, which causes pain when a child does poop. This can make the child try to hold on and eventually small amounts of poop leak out whenever the bowel becomes too full to manage. This can cause great distress to the child. If you feel this is happening, or your child seems to be in pain, or there is blood in the poop, it is important to see a doctor.

Sometimes the bowel gets used to being full of poop all the time. Then it loses some of the feeling, so the child will find it hard to know when he needs to go to the toilet-he doesn’t get the message that he needs to go. Medical help is needed to get it started again.

You should also see your doctor if there are signs of urinary (bladder) infections: doing susu very often pain when doing susu blood in the susu wetting frequently during the day after the age of two if your child’s susu changes in smell a child of four years or over is still wetting during the day.

What parents can do The most important thing is for your child to feel that she has your support in learning to know when it is time to use the toilet or potty. If she is resisting toilet training, or there has been a bit of a battle she needs at least a few weeks with all the pressure off. In the meantime spend lots of time making her feel good.

Making your toddler feel special needs to be worked on first, especially if the problem is due to having a new baby (or other stress). After all she can see you happily changing the baby’s poopey nappies, while inside she is wanting some babying herself. If she asks to wear a nappy or have a bottle again for a while, let her. Once she feels that she is still special to you she will be able to go forward again.

The first step towards a new beginning is to tell your toddler whenever and wherever she does her poop, that poop is good and doing poop is good for her. This will help her to feel free to tell you when she is doing it, or when she is ready to. Sometimes it helps to put the potty in a place chosen by the child.

If she is relaxed about it you could take her to the toilet or potty at a time when she usually does poop, or soon after a sleep if she wakes up dry. The first praise needs to be just for sitting there for a short time, or for pulling up her pants or whatever she can manage. Children learn new tasks in small steps and each step can be praised. Don’t wait until they can do the whole task properly before praising her. It is not helpful to make toddlers wash their own pants or sheets. This usually makes them feel bad and may make things worse. The more you can take the pressure off and help your child to feel that success will be her own doing, the quicker success is likely to come. When children feel tension or anger in their parents, it makes them tense and then it is harder for them to learn new skills. Constipation (over six months) It is normal for some children not to poop everyday. Constipation (when it is difficult for your child to poop) can cause distress. Your child might have pain and tummy ache, say it hurts to poop, or hold on because it hurts.

The causes can include: the food your child eats (make sure there is plenty of fiber from fruit, vegetables, bread, cereals, beans, lentils) not drinking enough fluids (make sure your child is given plenty of water) some medicines not enough active play your child is put off going to the toilet.

What to do Talk with your doctor, child health nurse, dietician, and do so before using laxatives or other treatments.

Special notes Once your child is using the toilet, don’t be disappointed if there are a few accidents. A few accidents are to be expected even when children are trained. Try and avoid getting cross because if your child sees that you are upset or angry, it is likely to set back all your good work! Sometimes toilet training can go backwards when there is a new stress or something is troubling your child. This is very normal.

Many children go on wetting the bed long after they are dry during the day. Don’t worry about bedwetting if your child is under five or so, but if bedwetting continues after this, or your child has been dry and starts wetting again, check with the doctor to make sure there is no medical problem. Also check if one child is bedwetting much later than others in the family. It helps to know that over 10 per cent of children in the younger primary school years still wet their beds and most will grow out of it naturally. Sometimes children continue to wet the bed for other reasons.

Tools to help your child understand rules and boundaries

One of the biggest challenges parents face is inculcating a sense of discipline in children. In order to do this effectively, parents must first decide what discipline means to them. Does it mean the same set of rules that they were compelled to follow as children? Or should the rules be boundaries, intended to help the child become a confident and self-assured individual: a child who understands the difference between right and wrong, as defined within his/ her social ecosystem.

The way parents create rules has a lot to do with their own experiences and personalities. It is also depends on the parent’s awareness about the range of disciplining methods available and the merits and demerits of each. Realistic and effective disciplining methods not only ensure long-term results, but also do not negatively affect the parent-child relationship. The right disciplining methods, if implemented correctly, can in fact, strengthen the bond of trust between parent and child.

Here are some broad guidelines to help you:

Explain rules clearly: It is important that your child clearly understands the rules you are setting. If s/he is old enough, you could also explain why these rules are being set. Try not to sound dictatorial; instead adopt a composed and cooperative tone.

Be consistent with rules and consequences: Ensure that you lay down consistent rules for your child. Make exceptions when required, but maintain consistency in implementing and enforcing it, and also be clear about the consequences of breaking it. These are essential to your child’s understanding of discipline.

Find the root cause of misbehaviour: Rather than reacting to your child breaking the rules, attempt to find the root cause of the misbehaviour. Children can react to incidents that may have no apparent connection to the rule they are breaking.

Keep calm and don’t yell: Children can often test the patience of a saint! Exercise control however upset you may be by your child’s misbehaviour. Children are intuitive and often feed off the hysteria and anger you are portraying, which will only ignite an already volatile situation.

Praise: It is as important for you to praise your child when s/he follows the rules, as it is to take his or her disobedience seriously. Acknowledge good behaviour and let your child know that you have noticed it.

Use positive tone and words: Remember, what you say and how you say it can have a lasting impact on your child. Be firm and fair while correcting your child and make a conscious effort to avoid any kind of negative phrasing that could lower his/ her self-esteem.

Limit children’s screen time, expert urges: By Hannah Richardson BBC News education and family reporter Too much TV can change the amount of certain chemicals produced in the brain The amount of time children spend in front of screens should be curbed to stave off development and health problems, an expert says. Psychologist Dr Aric Sigman says children of all ages are watching more screen media than ever, and starting earlier. The average 10-year-old has access to five different screens at home, he says. And some are becoming addicted to them or depressed as a result, he warns. Writing in the Archives of Disease in Childhood, Dr Sigman says a child born today will have spent a full year glued to screens by the time they reach the age of seven. He adds: “In addition to the main family television, for example, many very young children have their own bedroom TV along with portable hand-held computer game consoles (eg, Nintendo, Playstation, Xbox), smartphone with games, internet and video, a family computer and a laptop and/or a tablet computer (eg iPad). “Children routinely engage in two or more forms of screen viewing at the same time, such as TV and laptop.” ‘Facebook depression’ British teenagers are clocking up six hours of screen time a day, but research suggests the negative impacts start after two hours’ viewing time. Dr Sigman cites from a string of published studies suggesting links between prolonged screen time and conditions such as heart disease, stroke and diabetes. But he suggests the effects go further than those simply associated with being sedentary for long periods. He says prolonged screen time can lead to reductions in attention span because of its effects on the brain chemical dopamine. Dopamine is produced in response to “screen novelty”, says Dr Sigman. It is a key component of the brain’s reward system and implicated in addictive behaviour and the inability to pay attention. “Screen ‘addiction’ is increasingly being used by physicians to describe the growing number of children engaging in screen activities in a dependent manner,” Dr Sigman says ‘Reduce screen time’ And there are other psychosocial problems associated with excess screen time. These include “Facebook depression”, reported by the American Academy of Pediatrics, which develops when young people spend too much time on social media sites and then begin to exhibit classic symptoms of depression. Dr Sigman says: “Perhaps because screen time is not a dangerous substance or a visibly risky activity, it has eluded the scrutiny that other health issues attract.” He says there are many questions remaining about the precise nature of the association between screen time and adverse outcomes, but adds: “The advice from a growing number of both researchers and medical associations and government departments elsewhere is becoming unequivocal – reduce screen time.” Developmental psychopathology expert Prof Lynne Murray, of the University of Reading, said: “There is a well-established literature showing the adverse effects of screen experience on the cognitive development of children under three, and the US Paediatric Association for example has recommended no screen time before this age. “If children do watch, however, adverse effects are mitigated by watching with a supportive partner – usually adult , who can scaffold and support the child’s experience, and by watching more familiar material. “A lot of screen material is not well designed for a child’s cognitive processes, eg loud, fast changing stimulation – this is attention grabbing, but does not help processing.” All about Adolescence Coping with the tumultuous years Suddenly it’s like you cannot recognise your child. S/he has become argumentative, secretive and is demanding the same haircut as the latest teen rock star. No, your child hasn’t been replaced by an alien being – it’s just the beginning of the tumultuous years of adolescence. How tumultuous they are, is something that you as a parent can, to a large extent, influence. While it is important for you to get through these years without turning grey to your very roots, it is equally crucial to ensure that you don’t alienate your child. The first step to managing adolescence is to understand what it is. Adolescence is the time between puberty and adulthood, and puberty starts when your child begins to develop adult sexual characteristics, like breasts, menstrual periods, facial and pubic hair. Along with these physical changes, he/she will also begin to develop psychosocially – this is not evident on the outside, but happens at a more cognitive and behavioural level. As all these changes overlap, you will begin to see your child change both physically and behaviourally.

There are a few important things that you can do to pave a smooth path for your child’s transition to adulthood.

Read: Educate yourself on what to expect and how to deal with key phases of adolescence. Knowledge will put you in a much better position to deal with challenging situations when they arise.

Talk: Always keep the lines of communication open. Encourage constant dialogue to ensure your child is comfortable enough to seek you out when s/he wants information.

Empathise: Don’t forget you’ve been through the same roller coaster of emotions that your child is now experiencing, including the same fight for independence and identity. Time may have dulled your memories, but it is important to reassure your child that you understand what he/she is going through, and that it is normal.

Respect privacy: Adolescents are transitioning to adulthood and will want their own privacy. It may be tough for you to accept that your children may not want to share every part of their life with you. But allowing for a certain level of privacy will let them know you respect their personal space.

Set rules: While it is important to be your child’s friend, the fact is, you are a parent first, and still in charge. Make ground rules that are age-appropriate and try to a find a common ground between what you are comfortable with and what works for your child. Whether it’s about TV and internet time, books or curfew, be reasonable but firm. However, there are some warning signs that you must take heed of and address during this important phase of your child’s development. Sudden problems with sleep or change in sleep patterns Extreme weight loss or gain Rapid and radical changes in personality Dipping grades Sudden change in friends References to, or jokes about suicide Skipping school regularly Run-ins with the law Signs of alcohol, tobacco or drug use How to discipline your child Tools to help your child understand rules and boundaries One of the biggest challenges parents face is inculcating a sense of discipline in children. In order to do this effectively, parents must first decide what discipline means to them. Does it mean the same set of rules that they were compelled to follow as children? Or should the rules be boundaries, intended to help the child become a confident and self-assured individual: a child who understands the difference between right and wrong, as defined within his/ her social ecosystem.

The way parents create rules has a lot to do with their own experiences and personalities. It is also depends on the parent’s awareness about the range of disciplining methods available and the merits and demerits of each. Realistic and effective disciplining methods not only ensure long-term results, but also do not negatively affect the parent-child relationship. The right disciplining methods, if implemented correctly, can in fact, strengthen the bond of trust between parent and child.

Here are some broad guidelines to help you:?

Explain rules clearly: It is important that your child clearly understands the rules you are setting. If s/he is old enough, you could also explain why these rules are being set. Try not to sound dictatorial; instead adopt a composed and cooperative tone.

Be consistent with rules and consequences: Ensure that you lay down consistent rules for your child. Make exceptions when required, but maintain consistency in implementing and enforcing it, and also be clear about the consequences of breaking it. These are essential to your child’s understanding of discipline.

Find the root cause of misbehaviour: Rather than reacting to your child breaking the rules, attempt to find the root cause of the misbehaviour. Children can react to incidents that may have no apparent connection to the rule they are breaking.

Keep calm and don’t yell: Children can often test the patience of a saint! Exercise control however upset you may be by your child’s misbehaviour. Children are intuitive and often feed off the hysteria and anger you are portraying, which will only ignite an already volatile situation.

Praise: It is as important for you to praise your child when s/he follows the rules, as it is to take his or her disobedience seriously. Acknowledge good behaviour and let your child know that you have noticed it.

Use positive tone and words: Remember, what you say and how you say it can have a lasting impact on your child. Be firm and fair while correcting your child and make a conscious effort to avoid any kind of negative phrasing that could lower his/ her self-esteem.

Child Stress Manual

Key strategies that you can use to help your child cope

Unfortunately, stress isn’t just confined to adulthood. Children too face stress of varying degrees that can be caused by a number of situations. Of course, as a parent you do your best to shield your child from potential stress-causing situations. But sadly, it is not always possible to do so. From stress caused by examinations, schoolwork, peer pressure and bullying, to life events like a move, divorce, marital conflict, death or even the transferred stress of parents, there are a number of unavoidable challenges that are a part and parcel of a child’s life. In today’s complex world, some amount of stress is inevitable. In fact, studies show that a certain level of stress can have a positive influence. However, stress can have negative outcomes once it crosses a manageable level. The kind of impact it has largely depends on the child’s developmental level and on his/ her previous experiences. In order to deal with the emotional and sometimes, physical fallout of stress, it is imperative that you first familiarise yourself with its signs. Unresolved stress can manifest in a physical form, which could include nightmares, disturbed sleep patterns, reduced appetite, headaches, bed-wetting, stomach pain or stuttering. If your child is acting uncharacteristically aggressive or stubborn, is anxious, seems unable to relax or is displaying behaviour more typical of an earlier developmental phase, then you could be looking at the behavioural and emotional symptoms of stress.

While adapting and coping tools depend on your child’s developmental stage, there are a few general strategies you can use to guide your child through the stressful phase and out of it. Anticipate a potential stress-causing event and prepare your child for it. For instance, a move causing a change of school and friends or the impending death of a pet. Encourage your children to express their fears and concerns to you. Spend time with them, so that they feel comfortable opening up to you about what is going on in their lives. This will help you pick up clues on what may be causing any stress. Lend a comforting ear without being critical. Be positive and encourage your child to believe in himself/herself and cultivate self-worth. Empathise with your child and let him or her know that there’s nothing wrong with feeling emotions, whether it’s anger, sadness or unhappiness. Find ways to help your child channel thoughts constructively by focusing on a fun activity, ideally a physical one. Studies have shown that physical activity helps reduce stress. Try and choose activities in which you know your child will do well. This will increase his/her self-confidence. Teach your child relaxation techniques like yoga or breathing exercises. You might even consider signing up for a relaxation technique class with your child; this will provide the added advantage of offering bonding time. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, if the signs of stress do not recede despite your best efforts, seek out professional help. Recognise that there isn’t anything wrong in enlisting a counsellor’s services. Your child’s school probably has one. Study Hour is More than Homework Help your child hone her study skills Growing up, most of us cringed at the thought of “homework”, sinking further into gloom as we bid goodbye to friends at playtime and began our assignments. Decades later, it’s quite likely that your child feels pretty much the same way about the h-word. Studying on a daily basis often becomes confined to completing the next day’s assignments. Children race to “finish it off”, leaving little room for actual learning. Which is why it is imperative to inculcate good study habits in your child. This includes finishing the assignments on time as well as learning how to assimilate new information, retain it and re-use it later during the assessment process. Apart from increasing learning levels, the right study skillset can also help your child acquire organisational skills, vital to his/her success, both as a student and as an adult.

Here are some guidelines that will help your child hone his or her study skills.

Set a routine and stick to it: The first step is to set a consistent study routine. It is important to pick a time during the day when your child isn’t too tired or isn’t hankering to watch his/her favourite serial.

Pick an area for study: Most children study at a desk in their rooms or at the dining table. Ensure that the area is free of distractions and you can monitor them.

Studying is not just homework: While homework is certainly a priority, studying should be more than just completing assignments. This is the ideal time to help your child develop skills like note-taking and reading, organisational and time management skills and learning tools like mnemonics, visual imagery and flashcards.

Be consistent: To ensure your child internalises study skills, be consistent, both in routine as well as in expectations.

Set realistic expectations: Sit with your child and set expectations for the study hour. You can even encourage him/her to maintain an assignment book, in which the daily schedule and progress can be penned down with your help. This will also allow you to figure out if your child needs to cut back on other activities to ensure that he or she has enough energy and time for study hour.

Praise and reward your child: As your child reaches a goal, be generous with praise. Depending on the achievement, you can even decide to reward your child with an additional hour of playtime on the weekend or a sleepover invite to his/her friends. Think of interesting rewards that aren’t necessarily about buying something new.

Never use homework as a punishment: Parents often make the mistake of turning homework into punishment for disobedience or bad behaviour. Doing that will only make your child dread study hour even more and develop a mental block against it. Instead, your objective should be to make studying a positive experience.

Make studying fun: Finally, let’s face it, it’s all about how much fun your child can have during this process that can ensure he/she looks forward to it. While the entire period cannot be just fun and games, make sure you use tools like quizzes, educational videos, the internet and other interactive aids to ensure that studying is both informative and interesting.

Communicating effectively with your child Guidelines to help you open honest and clear lines of communication Life has become so hectic and dredged in routine that often parents forget to really ‘communicate’ to their children. Talking gets relegated to the mandatory “How was school?” which is followed by a terse “fine” response. A few more compulsory questions later, everyone goes off to carry on with their own daily routine. The basis of any healthy relationship is consistent, clear and honest communication. As a parent, one of the most important skills you will need to learn is how to communicate effectively with your child. Honing this parenting skill is the key to developing a stable and open relationship with your child. Set time aside to talk. You could choose to do this while doing a household chore together, travelling to the grocery store or picking your child up from school. Remember though, if you have more than one child, try and weave one-on-one time into your schedule. Listen to you child. It is imperative to really listen to what your child is saying and not pretend to listen. Be interested in what they are saying and pay attention. Children intuitively know when you are faking it. Make talking with your child a normal part of his/her daily routine. By putting this in place, you are ensuring that you keep the lines of communication open and make it easier for your children to come and talk to you about anything. Approach this daily routine in a casual manner rather than making it seem like a daily chore. Be open and honest with them. Try and be as honest with your child as you possibly can, especially in relation to things that will affect them. Avoid grilling them with questions. You want to make your child feel comfortable about talking with you. Ensure that you discuss things with them, rather than grill them for information. When asking questions, ask open-ended ones so that you don’t just receive ‘yes’ and ‘no’ answers, and instead get your child to open up about his feelings. Acknowledge their opinions. You child is a little person with thoughts and opinions of her own. Acknowledging his/her opinion will help build self-confidence and create better channels of communication between the two of you. Be informed about what is happening in their lives. By talking to teachers, friends, parents and others involved in your children’s life, you learn more about them, which will in turn help you understand their problems better. Be careful though, as you are walking a fine line and don’t want to end up snooping. Say sorry, when you are wrong. Apologising to your child when you’ve made a mistake or have reactively said or done something that you shouldn’t have, helps to build a relationship based on mutual respect. It shows children that not only do you respect them enough to say you’re sorry, but that it’s also okay to say you’re sorry when you’ve made a mistake. Encourage your children whenever you get the opportunity. Tell them how proud you are of them. During conversations, always focus first on the positives and speak words of encouragement before discussing the negatives. Encourage family communication time. Apart from one-on-one time with your child, encourage the sharing of experiences when the whole family is together: the dinner table is most convenient for this. Box item The American Psychological Association lists three basic communication tips -Be available for you children -Let your kids know you are listening -Respond in a way that your children will hear

DISCLAIMER: All content on this page, in any format, is for informational purposes only and cannot be considered to be a substitute for professional advice.